my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
