Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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