I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
