Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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