i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
