worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
