If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
