I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
