I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
