allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My hand turned me down
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
