I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
