Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
