I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
