im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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