C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
