allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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