Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
