If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
