...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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