I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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