now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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