i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just tell him i said nine months
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
