I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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