i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
