i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
