A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
