My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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