hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
