yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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