I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
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halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!