where am i from again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
