I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
These tits shall not be calmed
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