I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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