Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize