I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
