decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
