He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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