I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
