He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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