I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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