I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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