Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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