That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His nipple licking is glorious
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