They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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