So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
