i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
