I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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