You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My bed smells like the plague
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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