Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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