My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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