You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
