I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
