U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
