You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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