I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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