Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
