Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She announced her abortion via fbk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
