I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
