That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dicks are not precious.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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