so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
