So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
