your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
