I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
