sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
