Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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