I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
