I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
