My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
