His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
