I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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